Fatty Fatty Fat Hair

Though I'm all about sleek bouncy hair (see last post), I also like to the look of being beachy and just slightly unkempt. I've heard buzz about the Oribe texturizing spray, but I've also heard it's not much more than a dry shampoo. Since I've never tried it, I feel I can't really comment on it, but I found another product that works just fine. I saw it at CVS for about $7.

It's Not Your Mother's Beach Babe Texturizing Spray, and I think it's awesome. A little sticky as expected, but it really give the "fat hair" effect, perfect for tousling down or throwing into a big messy bun. I spray a bit onto dry hair, and see how far that gets me with volume, and add a bit more until it seems right, and not too crunchy. It will be great for the summer.

The Day I Stopped Paying for Blow Outs

I'd like to reiterate that I am a complete Review Whore. I was bored one day and searched in Amazon beauty by customer reviews and stumbled upon this gem. If you're deficient with a round brush or have shorter hair, this creates the perfect slight curl under everyone loves. It worked great for me after an erroneous haircut decision left me looking like Suri Cruise for 6 months. This helped tremendously.

It's called the John Frieda Hot Air Brush-- a brush that blow a little hot air from within the barrel (the metal heats up a bit like a flatiron would). You just brush it through your hair curling it under, while the heat sets it in place. I followed recommendations (either from reviews or the box, I forget where I read them) to get your hair almost all the way dry, and finish with this to add bounce and shine. I give it an A+.

Drink and Be Berry!

I recently bought a sample for work at a Brookstone, and in an unfortunate turn of events (laziness) couldn't return my purchase within the 30 day limit, and was forced to have store credit instead.

After perusing for 30 or so minutes; bypassing 80 dollar pens, and consciously avoiding the salesman desperate for customers in the mega-vibrator section....

...(mean seriously what is this)...

...I stumbled upon something kind of worth the money I'd already spent there.

It's called the Aqua Zinger. It's a water bottle that grinds fruit in the bottom, and filters your water through it, for just slightly flavored water! (example, Cucumber Basil water, Pineapple Mango water, etc). And I actually really liked it. I'm usually a seltzer or water-with-lemon girl, so spritzing water up a bit is always nice.

They also sell the same exact thing (so said the salesman!) and call it the Vodka Zinger. So it's kinda nice to use for the summer for both reasons, just remember which one is for work!

Thank you, Buzzfeed!

People Who Should not be Allowed to use the Internet

The Best Strapless Bra (so far)

If you have tig bitties like me, great bras are both essential, and hard to find. Here were my experiences as of a few months ago before I found my amazing bra from FigLeaves:

-Cotton Bandeau bra: makes your boobs look like a fat guy in a hammock, which as it happens, is just as appropriate with as side of Keystone Light as this look. Let the butterfly clips rain upon you.

-Victoria's Secret "Push up" (emphasis mine, for sarcasm) Bra: I like to give credit where credit is due, and I have to say that VS was of the more fashionable bras to get the proper skin tone pallet down. And that's where the credit ends. My criticisms of VS are threefold:

1. Vanity Sizing: Victoria's Secret notoriously sizes women up about 1 full cup size. And while it's great to hear that I would probably be a "DDD/E" at VS, I'm actually only a DD on a good day. So I take umbrage with the fact that a) you made up a fake sizing system wherein I can't find any bras without help from the shoulder-padded Black Blazer Brigade and b) I, a normal person, now register off your charts...what?
2. Improper fit: My biggest pet peeve, baby-butt cleavage. The phrase is "Lift and Separate", not "Rocket-to-your-throat and Smush". It's way less catchy.
3. Lack of Support: The strapless bras don't stay up! Like at all!! I might as well just go bra-less or carry them around myself like two eggs on a plate! Might I also add that the straps on the strapped bras stretch and wear out in a hot second.

-Any place with scratchy bras and places where you can't read customer reviews. Reviews are my life, and so essential to buying anything. I mean, why spend time figuring out something is awesome or sucks on your own when there are thousands of boring people who apparently have time to write paragraphs about it first!

The Solution: figleaves.com

I recently bought the Wonderbra, in nude, and as of right now, it's the most supportive I've tried. It comes in all basic colors (throughout the site), and is comparably priced to any turd of a thing you'll find at Victoria's Secret.

More about Figleaves: It's a British website, which in fashion terms, always means "I will do whatever you say. I am a knuckle-dragging Bostonian. Teach me your ways". They have every size imaginable, so if you don't know what size you are, buy a bunch and find out, and return the rest. They always have great, supportive swimwear as well. If you sign up for emails, they'll let you know when they give 15-20% off or Free Shipping, which they do pretty frequently!

When in Doubt...

Great example of one of my favorite quotes:

"[It is] better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

-Abraham Lincoln

Nature's Greatest Gift...The Chemical Peel

There are three special circles in hell:

One for people who charge too much, one for people who pay to much, and one for Taylor Swift (zing! team Feyhler forever!).

It boggles my mind how so many "Medical Spas" choose to charge up the ying-yang for the same products that are available to you via Amazon. In this case, I'm talking about Glycolic Peels. Glycolic peels are excellent for keeping your skin soft and exfoliated, and (at least for me) keeping pores small. In the Spa, one treatment can cost you upwards of $100. On Amazon, you can buy a bottle with enough for 12 peels for around $15-$40, depending on the vendor. I must say, at-home is not for everyone. Here are my recommendations for doing this at home vs. the spa:

At the Spa- If your IQ is sub 50, you have no feeling in your face, you have a 10 trillion dollar "Spa Fund", or your attention cannot focus even when there is acid on your face, go to a Spa-- they will apply the peel evenly, and most likely make sure you don't get burned from it. We don't want to look like whatever crawled away from Lil' Kim's last "update" now do we.

At Home- If you can read a label, you can tell if something hurts, and can tell time, I strongly suggest trying the at home version.

If you have never had a glycolic peel, or don't use products with glycolic acid, start with a Glycolic 20-25% formula. Here is the link on Amazon to the brand I usually use. Here are the steps I follow:

1. First of all, try not to use a chemical exfoliant, like retinol, 24 hours before using the peel.
2.Wash your face with a gentle cleanser like Cetaphil, and dry
3. Take a cotton pad* and pour the peel on top of the pad--it will more or less sit on top and slowly sink in like honey.
4. Carefully pat, don't drag, the peel onto your face, staying far away from eyes, lips, and (in the winter) the sides of your nose, which can be irritated. I also keep it away from my lady-stache so it won't interfere with my hair removal, but that tale of beauty is for another time. Wash your hand if you get some of the peel on it.
5. Leave on for around 2 minutes and wash off with water, which will naturally neutralize/remove the acid. If you feel a lot of burning at any time, go ahead and wash it off.
6. Pat your face dry, and follow with a really basic moisturizer, like the plain Cetaphil one with the pump.
7. Wait a week, and do another peel following the steps above. Each week, increase the time you leave the acid on your skin by one minute, until you get up to 8 minutes (aka 2 minutes at week one, 3 minutes at week two, etc). By that time, switch to a higher percentage peel and start at 2 again.

* they sell this weird fan/paint brush thing to put it on, but given my past art projects, I don't want my face to also look like a shitty Monet interpretation.

Work Appropriate Maxi Dresses

I liken maxi dresses and skirts to one of my favorite TV love interests of all time: Aiden, from Sex and the City*. Can dress them up or down, comfortable, a little bohemian, and more than once passed over for more classically structured outfits men things. So underrated. These little numbers can go from day-to-night, and even work-to-weekend. We're talking full Marni-to-Jessa swing before you can say "topknot". (I'm sorry, if you don't have HBO or can't bootleg the episodes, just don't ever return to this website).

My main complaint from what I have seen out there is that everything has spaghetti straps and the intention of letting 90% of my boobs hang out. I need something that will cover me up, be as comfy sweatpants, and be cool and work-appropriate.

Here are the two I have found so far:

ASOS French Connection Cascade Jersey Dress: I love ASOS for their humongous selection and free shipping. And I LOVE French Connection because the quality is unreal. I couldn't pass it up so I paid the steep but palatable sale price ($76.30)

Calvin Klein from Marshalls $59.99.

H&M black maxi skirt $17.99 (or so)

Like worst angle ever, but thank you Sean for taking these at midnight.

* We're going to ignore the Applebees endorsement for the time being

Stone Soup

Remember that story from first grade about some lady who turned a stone into soup? I sort of do too! What  I recall is some lady has a stone, some miracle happens, and they make soup out of it. (Seriously how much worse can life get when you're having hot rock water for dinner? Kind heavy for first grade, but whatever).

Anyway, my point is all about turning a bad situation into a good one. And I just cooked up a big ole batch of sweater soup.

I found this amazing tool on Amazon and I'm really jazzed about it. The Sweater Stone. Being the second cheapest person that I know, I looked for a way to save my pathetic looking knits without just replacing them. And these puppies are not about to hit the charity bin*.

 I had three items in mind for this venture:
1) The Old Navy amazing-thick-hot-pink-and-navy-sweater-so-warm-and-gigantic-the-winter-air-conditioning-at-work-can't-even-get-through-it-great-sweater that I erroneously threw in the washer with my new Tahari towels, and have purple fuzz pelted into the fabric.
2) The J. Crew light pink cashmere** hoodie that, in a fit of insanity, I paid full price for, and got sweater pills under the arms almost immediately.
3) The red jersey tank top that I bought on a whim in Spain in high school that I REFUSE to let go of. So pretty, so flattering, it's as essential to my going-out-top rotation as Susan Lucci is to Days of Our Lives.

How to use it:
1. Get a flat surface where you can use an elbow or knee to keep the section of fabric you are working on tight
2.First of all, be very careful with delicate fabrics like cashmere. Start with less pressure, and add more as you see fit. Stretch the fabric, take the stone, and basically scrape it against the material in the same direction multiple times with enough pressure to see the pills getting looser. Continue this until they are collected into a fuzzball you can pick up, or at least go over with a lint roller.
3. Go over everything (I had to use a few on my bathrobe after de-fuzzing the gigantic old navy sweater above) to get the removed sweater pills and keep the mess contained.

*I'm all for charity, but do they really need my nearly new cashmere? Please.
**Although I need to touch on this J.Crew cashmere vs. other (like, good?) cashmere, which requires an entirely separate conversation.

Check out the before and afters!